Philemon 8-25

Philemon 8-9 Paul urges by way of love, not command

In verse 8, Paul says he hopes Philemon will “do what is proper” (NABRE) or “do your duty” (NRSV).  What does “proper” mean, and how do you decide what is “proper” or your “duty” and not just something that someone else wants you to do?

How does Paul characterize himself in verse 9?

Look at verse 19 along with verses 8-9.  Why does Paul think he could order Philemon to do what he wants?

Why does Paul choose not to issue a command?

What do you think of Paul’s approach to Philemon, where he tries to urge and not command?

In situations you face or think you might face in your life, where might it be useful to try Paul’s approach of leaving some freedom for the other person to make a choice rather than trying to command them?

As a teacher, I found that in many cases I was more likely to achieve my goal if I gave students choices, while making clear what I hoped they would do, rather than simply trying to order them to do what I wanted.

Philemon 10-14 Paul makes a case for Onesimus

After a long introduction, Paul finally mentions Onesimus in verse 10, though he doesn’t actually make his formal request until verse 17.

Paul is making a pun in these verses.  “Onesimus” means “Profitable” or “Useful.” Onesimus was supposed to be profitable for his master, but instead he has been useless and unprofitable.  But now, Paul says to Philemon, Onesimus is useful both to you and to me.

Read verse 10.  What does Paul mean when he says that Onesimus is his child and he has become Onesimus’s father?  What is the relationship between them that he is referring to?

Onesimus has apparently come to faith in Jesus through his involvement with Paul, and Paul has become totally invested in Onesimus like a father and his son.

Barclay quotes a Rabbinic saying: “If one teaches the son of his neighbor the law, the Scripture reckons this the same as though he had begotten him” (Barclay, pp. 280-281).  In other words, you become like a father or mother to those you teach about God.

Is there anyone for whom you feel somewhat like a parent in the faith?  How does that affect your feelings toward them?

What do you think happened in Onesimus that changed him from useless to useful when he became a Christian?

Read Ephesians 2:10.

What does Paul say we are made for?

How has your faith made you more “useful” in fulfilling your calling?

Why is Paul sending Onesimus back to Philemon (verses 12-14)?

Why did Paul want to keep Onesimus with him?

What does this passage of Philemon suggest to Christians about the need to face up to the past and deal with the consequences of past actions?

Philemon 15-25 Paul makes his request

In verses 15-16, Paul sees the providential hand of God in the situation and suggests that maybe there was a purpose in Onesimus having been away (run away?) from Philemon.  What does Paul suggest might have been the greater purpose?

Note that the idea of providence here is not predestination.  God did not force Onesimus to become a believer.  Similarly, we can embrace or reject opportunities that might lead to good outcomes.

In verse 17, Paul finally makes his explicit “ask.”  What does he request?

Paul does not explicitly ask Philemon to set Onesimus free (manumission).  But he asks Philemon to see Onesimus “no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother” (verse 16) and asks Philemon to “accept him as you would me” (verse 17).    Do you think Paul is implying that Philemon should set him free?  Or is he just asking him to treat Onesimus as a brother in Christ even as he continues to have Onesimus serve him as a slave?

What are some ways that Philemon could respond?

He could punish Onesimus severely, punish him lightly, accept him but with resentment and not forgiveness, accept him back as a slave but with forgiveness, send him back to Paul to serve Paul, or free him to do whatever he wants.  And he could publicly attack Paul, quietly resent and snub Paul, or welcome Paul’s intervention in his life.

How should we respond to people who do wrong and then return?

What does this passage say to you about forgiveness?

How should we respond when people ask us to do something that is outside of the social norm?

In verse 18, Paul tries to “sweeten the pot” by offering to pay for any costs, which implies that Onesimus might have done something wrong.  What do you think Onesimus might have done before he ran away?

How might verse 19 make it harder for Philemon to say no?

In verse 20, Paul uses the word “profit” – which has the same root as Onesimus’s name – when he says he hopes to “profit from you in the Lord.”  He also asks Philemon to “refresh” his heart – the same word he used earlier to describe how Philemon refreshed others.  How important is that phrase “in the Lord” in verse 20?  Explain.

When have you found that you could be useful to someone else, but only if you let go of something that would have been beneficial to yourself?

Paul is pulling out all the stops, making every case he can to save his friend Onesimus.  How do verses 21-22 add to the ways he is pressing Philemon?

In verse 23, Paul reiterates what he said in verse 9: that he is in prison.  How might the fact that he is in prison affect what he says about slavery?

Does anything in the final greetings in verses 24-25 surprise you?

Epaphras founded the Colossian church (see Col. 1:7).  Aristarchus spent a significant amount of time with Paul (see Acts 19:29; 20:4; and 27:2).  We see more about Mark, Demas, and Luke in 2 Timothy 4:9-13.  How important do you think Paul’s companions were to him?

How important is it for you to have “co-workers” with you in the faith?

Do you think Paul’s letter is reasonable, or does it go beyond the bounds of propriety?  Why?

Here are some of the reactions I have seen: On the one hand, the letter feels somewhat manipulative.  Paul has appealed to Philemon in ways that would feel like Paul is pressuring him.  On the other hand, Paul has not been coercive.  He never says, “Do this or else I’ll . . . ,” nor does he say, “God says you should do this.”  And his pressure is based on genuine love for both Philemon and Onesimus.

Take a step back and consider this:

Paul is working hard to raise a difficult topic with someone he wants to maintain a relationship with, in a way that will achieve his goal and not hurt the relationship.

We all have been in such situations, where we need to choose our words carefully because we want to gain the support of someone who does not have to do what we want them to do.  Paul’s effort might give us some ideas.

Looking over the whole letter and the strategies Paul is using to deal with a difficult situation, when have you used similar strategies, and what happened?

What can you learn from Paul’s strategies, that you might be able to apply in your own life?

People sometimes think they are applying good strategies but do it in a way that is not effective.  What might be an example of that, and how can you avoid mistakes like that in dealing with tricky situations?